Smoking – 2

Continued from here

And, it took the novice in me just a month to become a regular. The bitter smell becomes less detestable with every passing day. Cigarettes smell different in the mouth than passive smoke. The dizziness from the kick becomes less intense as the addiction progresses – but too smoothly to be realized by the addict. Choking is replaced with a mild pleasing sensation, lower down the throat (anatomically – the trachea), just before the smoke enters the lungs. Holding the smoke longer in the lungs gets more nicotine absorbed – resulting in an even better high.

Their cheap price and easy availability makes cigarettes one of the easiest addictions to maintain, even for adolescents. The smell too can be well controlled making detection tough by parents. Regulars tell you that just chewing gums and gargling is not enough. Smoke adsorbed on your clothes and hair have to be patted off.

My consumption remained small during my higher secondary days, and I did not get into a dependency yet. Till at IIT, hostels made me all by myself. Numbers varied – from two on a day full of classes and labs, to fifteen on a exam day or a dull boring one. Dependencies increased: spanning from thought processes to bowel movements!

Addiction in all forms have some similar characteristics: people see, question, try and fall. And then hang on despite all the graphic consequences. The alibis for the addiction are reinforced every time, with innovative fervour. By the time I had started to work for a living, I had already tried in vain, multiple times, to decrease my numbers. Setting a limit is typical for many smokers. Nothing is usually acheived – I would allow one exception on a busy day, and then another, and after a fortnight realize that I am back to square one.

I attempted to quit multiple times. The oaths held for a day – or at most two. And then with smokers all around – I gave in, trying out just once. Smoking after a gap actually feels great. Lower levels of nicotine in your blood makes the kick more intense and numb than usual. And this starts the vicious cycle all over again.

In January 2006,  just after I moved to Noida, I was going through yet another quitting paranoia. And with no smokers among my colleagues – I made it to a week without a butt. With my pledge to start a family on the cards, I decided to stick to my promise. And here I am – almost six years without a fag. You cannot taper off your addiction – you have to stop abruptly.

Lastly, I must say – smoking feels awesome! But better not try it, even once.

Smoking – 1

I tried my first cigarette when I was 16.

Done with the secondary boards, I had changed my school to do higher secondary. We had moved to a new locality as well. New tution classes needed me to move and mingle around my home town. A new wave of friends of all flavors flooded my life. Blame the biochemistry of my age or the sudden vacuum after the gruesome boards, I felt fatally attracted towards all things forbidden.

I started taking the liberty of staying out longer in the evenings – and ardently participated in the evening congregation of guys, appropriately called thheyk ( ঠেক ) in Bengali slang. It is a daily meeting, somewhat secretive, to discuss all the new discoveries of your burgeoning adolescence. And perform some experiments. Rights to admission are reserved.

Some of my new friends were regular smokers already. And one evening, Chhotka, his pet name, offered me to try a puff. I disliked the very smell of  tobacco smoke. And I liked just two thing about the whole arrangement of smoking – the smell of gas used in the lighters, and the smell of an igniting matchstick. But I was too excited and decided to try something new.

My first attempt was that of a perfect novice: I dragged in a mouthful of smoke and just blew it away – without any inhalation whatsoever. It was greeted with giggles and even sneers from some regulars. The process left me noxious – with an awful smell in my mouth. “Why do you do this?”,  I wondered. An hour of spitting and some chewing gums later, I went home that night.

Despite my doubts about its exoticism, I fell in to his persuasion the next day, and we started the exercise early. Why persuade? The expectation was that once I too become a regular I will share back as well. The guideline was like this:

“Drag mildly into your mouth, and then into your lungs. Dilute the smoke with more air as it goes in.”

“And keep the filter dry … yesterday, you had sucked it wet”, he raised the most common problem with sharing a smoke.

I tried my best, but it went horribly wrong. The violent choking that followed left me coughing breathlessly for the next 5 minutes. The laughing pro-s agreed:  “First time you inhale, that is expected”.

But once the choking subsided, I felt my first nicotine high. Kicks from most alkaloids have similar characteristics when encountered the first time – relaxed muscles and mild dizziness. And perhaps dilated pupils. It elevates confidence and all of a sudden I felt a lot more at ease with my new friends that evening – as if  I had earned some certification.

I was feeling like an adult already.

… Continued to here  …

PS: Just my experience; I do not glorify or vilify smoking